The retreat

 Pink candy floss and blue candy floss both taste like sugar.

Ohhh, here’s an interesting thought - why do I like women so much? This might turn into a “me only” post, since it’s really going to be introspective in the extreme. Even for me, this is pushing boundaries.

First of all, I do have male friends and acquaintances whose friendship I value deeply. Top notch blokes all of you. But most of my friends are women. And he’s, I have just stopped, counted and worked out the math, and it’s 70% which doesn’t surprise me at all. I prefer the company of women (and a few select guys.. take that as read from here on out) over men. Women are just more interesting to me. Their conversation is more varied, and much less aggressive. Their humour is more subtle and cleverer.

The best bosses I have ever had were all women, without exception. And I think there’s a very obvious reason for that, which is that to get where they are, they’ve got to be better than the blokes. Since I like working for clever, intelligent and thoughtful people, it’s always going to be the woman in the room. Whatever managerial level you go to, the best people in that level will be women. And yes of course I am making very broad statements here, but I think they are justified.

It’s certainly been women who have been the major trigger points in my life. Mother, my grandmother dying, then to Jill, then to my mother dying, then to Jill dying; all pivotal points. In a work context, it’s always been women bosses who had the most impact on my life and career. I also preferred female teachers at school. I think my “inner circle” of friends, however that could be defined is also going to be about 70/30. Certainly it’s my girl friends (friends as in girls who are friends) who know all the details, in abundance! Let’s see, what else? I prefer a female dentist, female doctor, female accountant, female lawyer (not that I’ve ever needed one), you get the idea. Never had a female tattooist so can’t comment there. But we can probably guess! Ah! I jumped back from down there because I remembered I prefer men’s football to women’s. So there we are.

So. Why? I was certainly a mothers boy as the term was back then. Mainly because there was no-one else! No older children at all, certainly no men. So it’s not exactly surprising I suppose. Could it be that simple? Nothing is ever that simple surely. It’ll have to do for now.

I learn more from women I think. It may be an old saw, but I do think women are natural teachers and healers. Now of course, they can absolutely be anything they want, so I’ll clarify by saying that most of the women I know in a personal capacity are either healers or teachers, so that’s my sample size!

I’ve been far more emotionally involved with my girl friends than my male friends. I have sobbed with them, and they have sobbed with me.

Maybe it’s not that I am more trusting of women, but less trusting of men? If I saw two groups, one male, one female, I would absolutely 100% want to gravitate to the women’s group. I think women are much safer to be around as well. It’s less that it’s men’s general physical advantage that would sway the balance, it’s that they’d go straight in swinging without a brain cell slipping into place first. To be honest, I’d rather stick with the side using their brains first if it’s all the same to the rest of you. We have all had best friends at different times in our lives, and mine are probably split more 50/50

Just had a bit of a wander in my head to check to see if I was doing some sort of weird macho protecting stuff, but I really don’t think I am. What I AM protective of are gentle, kind, thoughtful intelligent souls and I don’t really care how or what they are wrapped up in, or even if they are in fur. So no, I wouldn’t try and protect, but to stand beside souls like mine.

I also think I have more female type interests (sigh, I hate these terms, but they’re all I’ve got tonight!) because I like crafting, reading (and yes, all my guy friends read insane amounts as well), writing, colours, makeup, it’s all far more interesting than a lot of chats I’ve had with blokes.

I don’t like hierarchies. I accept in many situations they are an absolute requirement like the army, but in general terms they waste an awful lot of time and gossip and effort, I’m convinced of it. Unfortunately we are subjected to them by people who started subjecting first. Besides, a flat structure that removes boundaries of communication can only increase different people and groups talking together, learning, then breaking up into other groups. Which I think is a quite nice way to describe what psilocybin does to the brain. And, back to the point, I think women are far better at doing that than men.

So maybe what if we can just look at souls rather than the bodies they inhabit. It’s just that the souls I like shimmer more into pink than blue, with a weird purple bit of an overlap. Yeah, that works for me, without getting into the realm of spirituality, and we really don’t want to go there.

So, circling back to the beginning. In general terms they’re more interesting, more intelligent, more fun to be around. They’re gentler, kinder and more thoughtful than your average bloke.

[Ive been thinking, while I’ve been writing this, that I will post it. Once again, it’s on you to choose to read it, not mine not to post it, and if you’ve read this far, then it’s all down to you!]

Can you love more than one person? That was a question that was asked of me. I think we all do already don’t we? Parents, siblings, a spouse, a child, we can love all of them, simultaneously without any conflict at all. If we imagine the brain as a computer hard drive, programs aren’t physically stored together, they are scattered and brought together when needed. You create the love over and over again when you think of that person. So the ability to feel love for that person wether they are here or not doesn’t stop you having the potential to love someone else, without overwriting previous bits of data. So maybe love is to all intents and purposes infinite. So yes, I think you can certainly love more than one person… except if it’s in the role of a partner, for me, it’s a one at a time thing. You might think differently and that’s ok too.

That was a bit meandering. In my defence I was listening to music, planning the rest of the week and having an imaginary conversation with a friend, all at the same time. I really need to stop doing that. My mantra at the moment is “this retreat had better bloody work”.